INDEPENDENT

0.5 … The Apology

When I was small, so many people
beyond my years promised me that,
when you’re older, you’ll understand.

There are still many things that I am
not yet grown enough to comprehend.
But there was one thing I knew,
and I’m so grateful that I said it,
before my mom’s life reached its end.

It was a late night, not unlike any other,
Wawa cappuccinos on a school night,
just me and my mother.

We talked about life
and things I don’t remember,
but on my mind,
something smoldered,
just a fading thought ember.
When did you stop loving him,
I asked with precision.

She paused,
I never did, but I made a decision.
It doesn’t matter than I love him,
I couldn’t let him hurt you…

In her eyes, I could see it…
one of the worst things
life had put her through.

I’m sorry, I said.

Sorry for what?

Sorry that I blamed you for
doing what you must,
for choosing your children
over him, a man you couldn’t trust.

I loved my father,
but he hadn’t been there like her.
My mom was an anchor,
always steadfast, undettered.

I didn’t know then,
but another end was coming,
the one that would destroy me,
one that has kept the devil busy,
after me, always running.

But I’m glad the universe knew
and gave me that rare gift of closure
So my mother knew I forgave her.
That I understood.
That I was older.

For more from this collection, visit

elluminations, vol. 0
INDEPENDENT

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Cover photo by Ray Hennessy on Unsplash  |   (elluminations © 2018 Elayna Mae Darcy)