Still Becoming

Four years ago this month, I started on a journey. One to change my name. To change the way I see the world. To try and become the greatest version of myself that I could be. In that time, I could have gotten another undergraduate degree, which makes sense I guess, because it certainly has been an education. One I still haven’t gotten my degree in. I’m still learning. Still growing. Still becoming who I am supposed to be.

I guess the biggest thing I have learned in that time is that there really is no arrival point, in which I can say, YEP. THIS IS IT. I’M DONE. I may have believed it once, but I no longer think that there is a point in which I can say I have nothing more to learn about myself. Every day is a new challenge and lesson. And some days, I don’t pass.

A lot of this journey has been laden with failure. I’ve failed to crowdfund books. I’ve failed to go to conventions or make podcasts I promised. I’ve failed to even post consistently sometimes. I talk a lot on social media about my successes, and so when I see people I haven’t in a long time, they’re all like WOW SIS, YOU FLOURISHING, not knowing that I spent every night that week crying myself to sleep.

But I’d like to think this blog has been a place where I’ve been more vulnerable. Y’all who have been around for some time have seen both the best and the worst of me. Seen the times I won and all the things I lost. That’s one thing I want to continue. I wanna keep being real with you lovely people.

The person I have become since I started this blog is a person still in progress. I can’t promise that I’ll post every day or that I will achieve every goal or conquer every demon this year. I can promise though that I won’t give up. I can promise I am going to give everything in me to keep becoming the best version of Elayna that I can be. And I hope you’ll join me along the way.

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