I was looking
for love in all the
From her, from him,
from the world,
from my work,
from the very air…
and I was looking
so far off
for what I thought
that my unfocused eyes
missed the mother,
missed the teachers,
missed the friends,
missed the mirror
that was right there.
I thought the love
I wanted could only be
found in distant lands,
but the love I needed
was already in my own hands.
Thinking of songs and stories
and all the came-before-mes,
that as glorious as those stories be,
all were missing something key…
So whenever I feel lonely,
or sad that my love story
hasn’t been written yet,
I’ll remember it’s being written now
and someone I haven’t met.
He said I would
never find love
because I cared too much
about my career,
as if writing words
and making films
and changing hearts
was a pursuit to be feared.
It hurt at first,
but the more distant
from those words I grow
the more I’m confident
and absolutely know,
that my passion for stories
is the greatest part of my being
and if that’s something the person
I fall in love with can’t see
then they certainly
don’t deserve any part of me.
Guess who’s dropping a new poetry collection this week? 👀
Yep, it me.
As some of you might recall a few months back, I decided to start a new series called elluminations, which I originally planned to release quarterly through Patreon, while the first volume was made available for free.
Well friends, there’s been a change of plans, and this post is Part 1 of 2 explaining why. (Keep an eye out around mid October for the exciting surprise that is Part 2. 😉)
Part one of said change of plans is that I have decided to make elluminations vol. 1 available for free as well, and I will be releasing the whole collection over the next two weeks via this blog, Medium, and my Instagram page. This new collection is a bit shorter than vol. 0, and is called Love Lessons. The poems included in it are about personal experiences and struggles I’ve had in both finding love, and learning to love myself more. If you read the Love section in Unraveling Light, these poems serve as a nice companion to that.
The first poem in this collection, Seasons, will be released this evening here on Elayna Musings first, and then you can find it elsewhere on the internet tonight!
However! As excited as I am to announce this new set of poems, I do have one last part to this update, and that is that after a lot of deliberation over the summer, I’ve decided to phase out my Patreon page. Getting people to subscribe there has been a challenge, and while the people at Patreon are seriously creating something amazing for artists like myself, it just doesn’t seem to be the right fit for me. I’ll be posting an announcement over on there to let patrons know that as of October, that page will be inactive.
October is going to be a big month though, for while I am phasing out Patreon, I do have something new coming for y’all to take it’s place. Till then, I’ll be sharing the new elluminations poems, and finishing up the sending out of the Kickstarter perks for Unraveling Light. (Which if you haven’t ordered one yet, you get get your copy here, here, or here!) Thanks as always friends. Looking forward to sharing more stories with you soon! 😊
I am nearly 5,256,000,000 miles from who I was when you last walked on this Earth with me.
I am nearly 5,256,000,000 miles into the jorney of learning to live without you both.
But unlike orbits about the sun, some things cannot be quantified.
I cannot know how many times I’ve cried or how many times I’ve asked God why or how many times I’ve smiled or how many times living has felt worth while.
There are things we cannot know and there are things we can, but one thing that’s been a certainty, is that when a pen’s in my hand, I am whole.
I know that in my blood flows an infinity of ideas, emotions, and ink.
Though my parents are gone, the legacy they have given me is a heart that can’t stop bleeding, but the ink that has from it flowed has helped me understand and know that my reason here is to write words and tell stories.
I wish they were still here, but their absence molded me into who I am. I am a well of ink and hope giving the world all I can…
When Mother’s Day rolls around,
when Father’s Day comes about,
when their birthdays pass,
when their death day trauma lasts,
I am reminded over and over…
What’s your mother’s madien name?
What’s your father’s middle name?
What’s your given birth name? Questions that haunt me over and over…
Are you going home for break?
I’ll be at my parent’s till late. I made them an anniversary cake!
Phrases from friends that plague me
as I am reminded over and over that
I have no house,
nor parents left
and there is nothing I can do.
You can’t understand it
unless it happens to you.
Loss doesn’t happen and then go away.
It is felt eternally, every single day
in the smallest ways,
over and over and over and…